The Harbor Of A Restless Mind

June 24, 2025November 27, 2025

It’s the stumble before the fall. You did not know it would come, but now, as gravity draws you near, and you wait for pain to rattle through your outstretched arms — palms, wrists, elbows— you know there’s nothing else quite as real.

Curious eyes study you, taking in your answers, verbal and otherwise.

You look through their beautiful depths, searching for some sign of admiration, interest will do. All you find is curiosity, which couldn’t even keep the cat dead.

Perhaps you should confess now. How would that go? Spewing truths like you won’t have to be held accountable for the collateral.

“Cat’s out of the bag now.” You’d say, “Might as well let it play in the yard for a while.”

When you speak next, the room stills, just for a moment, for a breath to catch. Then the laughter erupts. You are relieved to see the curious eyes light up in delight with the rest of them.

February 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Burr

I feel snagged,
Like a burr on a sweater,
Buried in wool.
Suffocating.
But exposed to the cold 
All the same.
Destined to stay stuck 
Where I don’t belong,
Watching the world pass,
Just out of reach.

October 24, 2024November 27, 2025

I think

I would've enjoyed this life more, 
If I'd done it all, 
When I was a bit older.

"Foolish child, 
Don't you know that to grow is to live?"

No. 
For there are no living pains, 
Only growing pains. 

"What has stopped growing,
is dead."

And what has stopped dying, 
Wont grow.

September 9, 2024November 27, 2025

Go find the warmth in blue

Pretty pink hair and blue eyes that smile warmly. That’s all I ever see before the wind is knocked out of my chest and I can’t find the words to finish my thought. You wait expectantly, holding out a cappuccino, waiting for this transactional exchange to be finished. I ramble the first thing that comes to my mind, paying mind only to the cadence of my own voice, obsessing that it might match the warmth of your smile. The rock stuck in my throat tells me I have failed. Perhaps not all of us can grace this world with easy charm.

A song plays from the speakers, its hopeful notes will always remind me of you. Perhaps that is why I still play it when it rains: to summon warmth from the frozen skies on days that promise the opposite.

I know our paths may only cross briefly, but I will never forget what your absentminded kindness has made me understand.

August 8, 2024November 27, 2025

Denial

If I succumb now 
It’ll prove something about the world 
That I don’t want to be true, 
That I won’t wish into truth. 

So I stay kicking,
Against the tangled sea weed
Pulling me down
By the ankles 
To the ocean floor. 
I keep my face 
Above the broken surface 
Knowing that my legs, 
Human and weak,
Must fail me eventually, 
And that my breath 
Won’t hold out forever 
And that I must keep fighting for another second 
And then another more 
For if I succumb now
I will never see light again.

July 3, 2024November 27, 2025

She’s someone kind

And warm, 

Who makes you feel safe, 

And realize, 

That you’re not quite as patient 

As you should be, 

And fills you with guilt,

For your wrongs, 

In a way

That only the innocent can.

June 26, 2024November 27, 2025

I wonder if you could be somebody

Just by willing it, 
And refusing to accept “no”
As the final answer.

Keep digging, 
And once you hit the molten core, 
And your shovel melts, 
Let yourself melt with it, 
And become part of something bigger.

Or cease to be.
Either way, you haven’t settled for “no.”

June 19, 2024November 27, 2025

Ego

The anger protects you.
So you’re reluctant to let it go.

Stay angry, if you dare.

Or let down that shield, 
And let fear take a stab. 
What have you to lose? 
Pride? 
Ha!

That thin film that clings to your face, 
Stopping breath.

Just stop.

The Harbor Of A Restless Mind

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