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Just had a milkshake

And I do not know how to 

Thermoregulate 

*I would say all rights reserved but I gotta give some credit to my buddy who said “hey that counts as a haiku” while I defended wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather*

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Denial

If I succumb now 
It’ll prove something about the world 
That I don’t want to be true, 
That I won’t wish into truth. 

So I stay kicking,
Against the tangled sea weed
Pulling me down
By the ankles 
To the ocean floor. 
I keep my face 
Above the broken surface 
Knowing that my legs, 
Human and weak,
Must fail me eventually, 
And that my breath 
Won’t hold out forever 
And that I must keep fighting for another second 
And then another more 
For if I succumb now
I will never see light again.

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil 

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My Heart

Broke open. 
And though that cold stone 
Turned to flesh 
It now aches
In a way 
I don’t know how to heal 
And guilt fills 
Where apathy rested 
Where love should grow
And I go mad 
With remorse. 
Irredeemably?

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil 

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She’s someone kind

And warm, 

Who makes you feel safe, 

And realize, 

That you’re not quite as patient 

As you should be, 

And fills you with guilt,

For your wrongs, 

In a way

That only the innocent can.

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil 

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I wonder if you could be somebody 

Just by willing it, 
And refusing to accept “no”
As the final answer.

Keep digging, 
And once you hit the molten core, 
And your shovel melts, 
Let yourself melt with it, 
And become part of something bigger.

Or cease to be.
Either way, you haven’t settled for “no.”

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil

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Ego

The anger protects you.
So you’re reluctant to let it go.

Stay angry, if you dare.

Or let down that shield, 
And let fear take a stab. 
What have you to lose? 
Pride? 
Ha!

That thin film that clings to your face, 
Stopping breath.

Just stop.

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil

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So carry on

Too many things are coming to shuddering halt after spinning chaotically for nearly half a decade and in the face of this overwhelming stillness settling in heavy slates within me, I hear the quiet whisper of nostalgia.

It is a weak longing for poison, for the racing of pulse and spinning of mind and hammering of heart that have sustained my being for longer than I can afford to forget. 

I look back to hear the ghost of experience sing a soothing solace: permission to carry on. 

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil

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LAND MINE

Perhaps you shouldn’t be talking 
to so many big kids. 

But you spoke,
Talked in circles 
Keep spinning, kid.

Coaxing the eye of the beholder 
to focus on all that’s beautiful, 
And only that. 

Or misstep 
And lose limb and life.

You’re already dead anyway.
It’s only a matter of time
before you realize it.

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil

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I live in the clouds

Supported by the air, 
With no ground beneath me, 
Flying like it’s my birthright. 

I wonder how badly it’ll hurt, 
When the breeze stills, 
And the ground I’ve learned to ignore, 
Catches my fragile form.

All rights reserved © 2024 Josephine Joyil